I wanted you to see the painting I did for her because it seemed to have a likeness. A friendly outer layer with a predator’s eyes. She was great as long as I said yes to her. If I said no, chaos would ensue. It is hard for me to write this because I don’t like reliving it. Gaslighting was her hobby. As much as I could hold on to my reality it still hurt me to be treated like a mark. She squelched the success right out of me by sabotaging my relationships, especially any professional alliances. She acted like a spoiled brat and expected people to bow to her wishes. What made it insidious was that she was good at acting normal, for a bit. Her defenses were the most sophisticated I had ever seen.
She died at 38 due to no one being able to do an intervention, she would fiercely defend her right to drink to the point of drinking herself to death. She knew drinking with bariatric surgery could be lethal, but she did it anyway. Every time she drank, I went to jail. After 15 years of sobriety, I would drink at this woman. I said if you're going to drink, I’m going to drink too.
She decided that she needed to be straight and try to be with a man for her mother’s sake. Her mother and I got along famously and knew for a fact that she just wanted her daughter to be happy. They had not seen her that happy and I was the son her father never had. I was proud to be part of that family until I realized after we broke up that it was just lip service when they said they wanted me in their lives even if we don’t stay together. I don’t know what she told them, but it must have been bad for them to outright reject me after her death. They wanted to not feel guilty because she was dead from drinking. They had referred her to alcohol treatment, and it didn’t work. She was very convincing.
She could be so charming it took me five years to get out of it. I was tired of her throwing my stuff in the garbage and going out at night. She would day drink instead of going to the brand-new office I paid for. She was trying to do anger management training as a business. I guess she thought she’d find customers at the bar. She finally left with some guy who needed her money, but he didn’t realize the money came from me. The last time I saw her they were together, and he laughed at me giving her money. I just told him that he was the next victim and to prepare himself. Then proceeded to run over the curb and make my exit.
She would occasionally try to get money out of me, but I would say no. I knew that’s all I had to do to keep her away. After I looked up her new spouse’s lengthy rap sheet, I was convinced she was in capable hands. After this I decided that my picker was broken and that I had no business being in a relationship. I stayed single for 15 years because it was my turn to drink and act like a hermit.
Finally in 2017 I got sober again and gave up living like a rock and joined AA and the human race. Two years later I would be in a new relationship.
Good for you speaking your truth and putting it out there. It must have been painful to dip back into that memory. Putting it in black and white for public viewing makes you vulnerable. But you used your words to paint a snapshot of an agonizing time. A crazy making time. Welcome back to the world.
thanks for the feedback, it's nice to be back