I want to discuss burnout and what it looks like. It is the reason why I haven’t worked since I was 48 years old. When I hit 45 it was hard for me to get up in the morning and motivate myself to go to work. I had been working as a therapist since I was 30. Just a few years before I had changed jobs to work with emotionally disturbed children, giving up on chemically dependent people. Not really, because alcohol and drug addiction many times, is the issue with families regardless of what problem they present with.
I kept talking about my feelings of dread when my clients showed up and feelings of exhaustion when they leave, but no one wanted to boss me around. I mean boss me into doing something about my attitude. I was burning out and I needed an intervention. Instead, I was encouraged to hang in there and nothing was done to tell us about burnout.
I knew from being in recovery that my program was deteriorating along with my mental health. I started taking more vacation days than I had. I had discovered meth. At first it helped me stay awake long enough to drive the hour to work. Eventually the meth would make me so tired I couldn’t stay awake, and I would lose track of the days. Well, they eventually fired me because I didn’t seem to care any longer. They sent me to treatment, but I wasn’t able to quit.
Eventually, I started hearing voices and telling people that there was a radio transmitter in my head put there by the police to keep track of me. So, I inspected every transmitter tower to see if I could figure it out. It seems so pitiful now.
I had acquired another drunk driving that introduced me to the drunk tank and then solitary due to my being depressed. When they asked me if I was suicidal, I said, “YOU THINK!” My smart ass got me treated very badly. They took all my clothes and put on a paper dress on me. I nearly froze to death, and no one would get me some water. Damn, I was parched. Finally, a clinician showed up to re-evaluate me and I was much more respectful. Finally, they let me out and I took a cab home 125 miles away. It was good to be home, but I knew that the trouble didn’t end there.
I would return with a vengeance and so psychotic they wouldn’t know what to do with me in jail.
What a shame a person as talented as you are has to go thru this
I can't wait for the next installment!