As I have mentioned before, I had to recover from my relationship with a sociopath. It took 15 years to get to the point where I was willing to let anyone in. This will be year 7 since I got sober. But only 5 years of being in a relationship. I wanted to wait a couple of years to make sure my decisions weren’t old decisions based on a damaged picker. So, I wanted to do a year in review because I’m turning 67. It’s been two years since I met the monks that are in my life. I have to admit things are coming together. My CBD business is a side thing where I give most of it away. As long as I have the funds to make more, I’m happy. Last year was full of firsts and enjoying seconds.
I have no excuse. I have time. I have the healing. I have the opportunity to experience things that used to scare me. Like breathwork. What is so scary about breathwork? It can be embarrassing if you have a kundalini. It’s year number 5 with my significant other. We plan on getting married, but we are not in a hurry. If you told me a few years ago I would be hanging out with monks and not caring about money and business, just about experience. My self-imposed length of stay on this planet is 85 so I don’t have a lot of time to waste. My goal this year has been to broaden my horizons by writing. So, I wrote a book Some Odd Stories, self-published short stories, then joined Substack to continue the fun.
My revised relationship with God is new this year. I’ve decided to not be a spoiled brat about not getting what I think I should get. Also to be grateful for what I have. My body is slightly top heavy, so I have taken seriously how my donkey needs exercise. A monk friend of mine calls her body, her donkey. But that’s how it feels when your mind is free, and you become totally aware of being tethered to something.
Losing my sponsor was not pleasant. She was diagnosed with cancer and died recently so I am currently operating without a sponsor. So, I will have a chance to see if my picker is working any better by choosing a sponsor. I recommend following the advice of many an AA person that one needs help with negotiating the steps and life in general. Using a life coach has been different in a good way. My work history as a clinician supports what I’m trying to do now and that is everything different. Saying yes when I need to and saying no when I need to. My only duty is to be different from what I was in years past, because it didn’t work. It just made me fat and sassy. When I turned 65 I gained 20 lbs., what the hell?
On that note, I’d like to say how hard it is to lose weight at this age. Never been overweight like this so it is a mind fuck. I’m trying to stay realistic. I still eat but no longer milk duds or ice cream. This seems to help but it is slow. I grieve the loss of my younger body. I made clothes look good. See! Here I go. Wishing for shit that’s not going to happen. What is going to happen and that is movement, movement in a good orderly direction. Soon another elderly person is going to need some help and I will probably be there. It feels good to have the time to help others without expecting anything back.
I love reading what you write about you make life sound interesting with solutions..